Monday, March 26, 2007
Wonderful definitions of designations at office
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
And lastly...... ......... ...
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby
who said what...:-)
It was the first day of school in US. and a new student named
Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some
American history.
Who said 'Give me
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for
Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up "Patrick Henry,
1775." He said, "Very good!"
Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for
the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"
Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar.
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863." said Chandrashekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should
be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country,
knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Chandrashekhar put his hand up. "General Custer,
1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna
puke."
The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said
that?"
Again, Chandrashekhar says, "George Bush to the
Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Kiss
this!"
Chandrashekhari jumps out of his chair waving his hand
and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica
Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You
little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his
voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the
floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're f**ked!" and
Chandrashekhar said quietly, "George Bush,
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
STROKE - Remember 1st 3 letters to save some lives!
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm, Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.
It only takes a minute to read this...
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK .. to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE
(Coherently) (i.e. . . It is sunny out today)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
{NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue... if the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke}
If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call for assistance immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
A cardiologist says if everyone with humanity reading this and sends it to someone, you can bet that at least one life will be saved somewhere.
An Untold Love story..A lesson to b learnt 4 everyone...
My Best Friend's Wedding
It was his wedding day. As I finished giving touches to my mild makeup, my thoughts flew back to my school days. The first time I met him, he was just another face in the crowd. We met occasionally through common friends. We became good friends, always had fun at the other¹s expense. He never spared a chance to irritate me, which was not very difficult. We always ended up fighting and patching up the next day only to fight again. 2 years flew by but nothing changed. Our friends knew we were very close and teased us incessantly. We would blush but still continue fighting. Everyday I would wait impatiently for him to come. If I didn¹t see him for even a day my heart would not be in whatever I do. I would roam around listlessly. I attributed it to the fact that I did not have my daily quota of fights and patch up. We grew up together, but as we grew up we became more aware of our friends making fun of us and the usual teenage gossip. We slowly reduced our fights and spent less and less time together. One day he came and told me that he was leaving to another city. I had always taken it for granted that I could see him whenever I wanted to. For the first time I realized how much he meant to me. All our friends were there to say goodbye. I wanted to say so much, but I didn¹t know how to convey my feelings. As the car pulled out, I realized at that moment that he meant more to me than anything else. He was my best friend but I also realized, I had unknowingly, unconsciously fallen in love with him. I wished he was there, in front of me so that I could tell him how I felt. But he was gone. There was not a day, not an hour when I didn¹t think of him. My friends realized something was amiss as they had never seen me so silent and so lost in thoughts. When they found out the reason, they felt it was just a crush and that it would go away. Some suggested finding out his whereabouts, but I didn¹t want them to. I was happy to be in love. I didn¹t want to think that there were two possibilities. He might love me, but he might not. I was happy that I was in love, it was beautiful. There were times when I would miss the sharing, the companionship, the sweet nothings that people in love felt and enjoyed. My love was one sided but it was love nevertheless. He was always there in my thoughts and what better companionship can I ask for? Time flew. I went to college and then to work. Through the years I heard bits and pieces of news about him. I heard he was abroad, studying. And then I heard he was in love.
My heart broke. The rational side of me knew that since I had never told him how I felt, I should accept what happened. But my heart cried. As much as I tried I couldn¹t stop thinking about it. I would spend the whole day putting up a smiling face for the people around me and fall into my bed tears streaming down my face. I realized I had to face the truth. He was my first love and would always be, but I realized life has much more to offer. I wanted to move on, be happy and maybe meet someone whom I would love and who would love me. Surprisingly fate decided to help me in its own way. I met his mom by chance and she promptly invited me for his wedding. I realized the only way to come to terms would be to actually go for wedding. I knew, once I see him happily married, I could and would get over it. I came back to the present with a start, as my mobile rang. It was my friend asking me out for a movie. I told her I was going to a marriage to meet a long lost friend and hung up. I was ready, to face reality.
------------------------------ - - - ------------------------ - - - ---------------------------------
MY BEST FRIEND IN MY WEDDING
I just came out of the shower. The new suit was lying on the bed. It was a memorable day for me, my wedding day. I was getting ready when my mother entered the room and told me that my friends have come and they are waiting to see me in the hall. I just glanced through the window n I could see all my friends chatting n laughing, people who have been with me through my thick n thin. And then I saw her, an angel, my best friend. She looked really beautiful, had put on some weight, n carried the cute little smile that I always admired. I slowly started traversing back, memories started pouring in, and it has been a long eight years since I last saw her.
I first met her in school when we were taking part in a debate competition. She was cute, shy and a bit funny too. We occasionally met through some of our common friends. Slowly, she became a part of my life.
We used to have lunch together, gossip around, and make fun of the teachers and those were moments when we felt that nothing existed beyond us in the entire universe. She used to wait for me when I had special classes and pretend that she had missed the school bus. Life was so much of fun. No day ended without fighting and patching up. At times, there was nothing to talk, but still I craved to talk. That¹s when I used this weapon of fighting. She was quite adamant, never gave up so quickly, n I enjoyed every moment of those precious times when we fought and argued and then patched up. There were times when our friends teased us of a growing affinity, something beyond friendship. I pondered about it at times, but she was very quick to dismiss it every time. I slowly started realizing that we were made for each other.
But, fate had other ideas. My father got a transfer and we had to move to another city in short notice. The day finally arrived, I expected her to say a lot, I was looking into her eyes, trying to read what¹s going on in her mind, realized at that moment, Einstein¹s equations were much easier to understand than what¹s going on in a girl¹s mind. She never uttered a single word, just said good bye. Tears were flowing down my cheek, I thought she would understand at least at that moment, but rain poured in washing away my tears and with it my chance of being with my angel for life. She never contacted me after that. I joined college and went abroad for my further studies. I always made sure that she knows what I am doing and where I am through our common friends, hoping against hope that someday she will realize the love for me hidden in the deep cavities of her heart, and she would say those words which I longed to hear for years. But it never happened. She finished her education and later she joined a reputed software company. I slowly started accepting the fact that I was not the kind of guy she would like to spend her life with. In the mean while, I met a girl who fell in love with me. Knowing the pain of an unfulfilled love, I accepted her proposal, and our marriage got fixed. But, I wanted to see my angel at least once in my life. I asked my mother to pass on the invitation to her; somehow I strongly felt that she would surely turn up for my wedding.
There was a thud sound and I came back to reality. She was still sitting there and laughing, maybe to one of the jokes cracked by my friends. I knew at that moment, mine was not a lost love; it will always be there in my heart. If it was there for eight years, it will last forever, till I reach my grave. Just that we had to move ahead in life, in different directions. I got ready and started walking towards my friends. I was ready, to face reality.
Height of Confidence
What is Confidence?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A hypothetical situation where 20 CEO's board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilot less technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft.
Each one of the CEO's is then told, privately, that their company's software is Aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEO's promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed, asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."
This is Confidence!!!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
WOMEN :: Need not imagine, just read on!!!!!!!!!!!
| WOMEN'S REVENGE |
Differences between Men and Women
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Naughty Jokes (Adult jokes!!)
Q: What's the difference between cricketers and condoms?
A: Cricketers drop the catches and a condom catches the drops.
Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward... backward...forward...
backward... forward... stop and eject.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't comes means you are in big trouble
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag.
Q: qualities to be a perfect wife:
Beautiful,
Responsible,
Energetic,
Adorable,
Sweet,
Truthful and
Self Organized.
....In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S
Q: Who is a gynecologist?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Nice poem
Just know that the love I have for you
Is not to be put in a stack or queue
Like a variable in an infinite loop
Be in my heart always and never stop
My heart is like a port, unread,
and the love I have has only one thread
You are in my heart's RAM and not in the cache
So if you won't respond, my heart will crash.
Like an application that is stand alone,
I'm a programmer who earns a lot on my own
And my request is clear, without any encryption
And hope it is not void, that you return.
If Java can be linked with C
Or if e-mails can be sent for free
Why on earth can't you and me
For the rest of our life time together be
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