Awesome reply

It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from



The department had been called. The VP was looking very tensed.

The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey , what is this meeting about?

I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. We

Both smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the

Recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people

Had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so

work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying

heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey -

take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other

departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and

complete it man. And my sweet manager replied "VP-

Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give

me nine wife's and one month. I cannot do anything." We all

looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. I looked at

my manager and thought "what an awesome reply man!".

Two Reasons...

Early one morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up. " Wake up, son . It's time to go to school."

The son " But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

Mama: "Give me two reason s why you don't want to go to school."

" One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me,"replied the son.

" Oh! that's no reason . Come on, you have to go to school,"Mama insists.

The son retorts," Give me two good reason s WHY I should go to school?"

Mama replies," One, you are FIFTY TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school

Options for professional courses after Std. XII in Pakistan

Options for professional courses after Std. XII in Pakistan would be as follows :

IIT - Islamic Institute of Terrorism

IIM - Institute of Infiltration Management

CAT - Career in Alqaida & Taliban

IAS - Iraq after Saddam

M Tech - Masters in Terror Technology

GATE - General Aptitude in Terror and Extremism

TOEFL - Test of Extremist Foreign Languages

GRE - Graduate in Relocation Extremism

MBBS - Master of Bomb Blasting Strategies

MBA - Master of Bombing Administration

&&
..last but not least.........
B.E. : Bomblast Expertise..........

how to answer 4 HR questions...

Hot HR Interview questions and Answers----U need this !! ;-)

Honestly, we will have these answers in our mind ... but we give different,tailored and suitable answers to the guy !

1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...

5. What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company

6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls

7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job?
I could demand more and stay there.

9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.

10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job

11. What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes

12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs

13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website

14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standards.(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%)

Arrested for laughing!...amazing

 

A young woman who was  several months pregnant boarded a bus. When She noticed a young man smiling  at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed  her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third  move he burst out laughing..................She had him arrested.

 

Then  the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such  a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help  noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which

read:  'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under  a shaving advertisement, which

read: 'William's Stick Did The  Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move  she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would  have prevented this accident.'

 

The case was  dismissed.........!!!!!!!!

 

Best answers by B.Tech students during viva

 

This is best answer by B.Tech students during viva.  >---------------------> This one is for those who had nightmares during their Engineering Viva's (EEEs and ECEs). They bring back fond memories for those who care to smile at the past   …

 

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Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C.as compared to D.C. ?
Candidate : An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.

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External (to student) : "Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC To pass through ?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK. DC comes straight, like this ----------, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!" ------------------- good one : - )

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Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is AC. If it gets stuck, it was DC.

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Interviewer: H! ow will you reverse direction of an Induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the x-ud, turn the motor around, and put back the bolts.    

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Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)

Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)

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Examiner: "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student: "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?"
Student (hesitantly): "Uh - A transformer that is put in the x-udment or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is installed on the ground?"
(Student knows he is caught-can't answer)
Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"

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TOP FACTS ABOUT ENGINEERS
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Engineers at work:

Assignments solved by one and then carry out mass transfer operations throughout the class

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The most important machine for Engineers:

Xerox Machine (Without which assignment Completion couldn't be possible)

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Top two Engineering Rumours:

Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm
Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks

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Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:

'What is this man, 60% o f the paper was out of the syllabus'  
'This was the worst paper set in the entire
engineering history' 'I am failing'

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