Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found
out,
"I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your
name?" Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?...
now keep that smile for the rest of the day.)
Monday, December 3, 2007
9 months
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Its all @ Wives !!!
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman
----------------------------------------------------------
It's not true that married men live longer than single
men.
It only seems longer.
----------------------------------------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost
to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."
----------------------------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is
to forget it once.
----------------------------------------------------------
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's
wrong.
-Milton Berle
--------------------------------------------------------------
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------------------
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman
-----------------------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You
know, I
was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and
didn't notice."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't
like to
interrupt her.
----------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I
got myself two girlfriends.
---------------------------------------------------------
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
finished.
----------------------------------------------------------
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real
happiness was until I got married; then it was too
late.
----------------------------------------------------------
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
--------------------------------------------------------
A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a
millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the
friend.
"A billionaire." she replied,
----------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over
experience.
----------------------------------------------------------
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was
almost
impossible.
------------------------------------------------------
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through
life Thinking they had no faults at all.
---------------- -----------------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife
can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such
a man.
----------------------------------------------------------
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask
for
whatever he wants,
But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says,"Okay, give me a
million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
---------------------------------------------------------
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
----------------------------------------------------------
Friday, September 28, 2007
Bookmarks for lifetime
ü Have a firm handshake.
Look people in the eye.
Sing in the shower.
Own a great stereo system.
If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
Keep secrets.
Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
Always accept an outstretched hand.
Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
Avoid sarcastic remarks.
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90per
cent of all your happiness or misery.
Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
When playing games with children, let them win.
Give people a second chance, but not a third.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as
important as it first seems.
Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your
convenience, not the
caller's.
Be a good loser. Be a good winner.
Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
Keep it simple. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross
the same river.
Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets.
Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things
you didn't do more than the
one's you did.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to
acknowledge those who helped you.
Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.
Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a
few minutes.
Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
Once in a while, take the scenic route.
Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're
terrific.'
Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas
sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial
their job.
Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
Become someone's hero.
Count your blessings.
Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
Wave at the children on a school bus.
Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on our ability
to deal with people.
Don't expect life to be fair.
Ø This above all: to thine own self be true.
Ø ~ William Shakespeare
Ø (:-})wills({-:)
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Poem from a Software Engineer's wife..at 11PM...
Even moon has come,
But you haven't.
No chance to take lunch
With you
In this life,
Please don't add dinner
In that list.
Fortunately after wedding
We had one week fun,
Otherwise
We would not have a son.
Son has finished counting
Stars in the sky,
But you haven't come.
I told,
"Father may come in your dream
Just sleep and try".
Father for family,
Sun for world,
If first is absent,
Dark is present.
"Dear son…
Tell your father
Money is for life,
Not life is for money"
You gave us everything,
Without you,
Oh…!
Oh people,
Go everywhere,
Without software….
| | |
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Corporate Lessons
Corporate Lesson 1
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun
once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish" "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 3
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,"Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there
Friday, August 17, 2007
How to stay young??
I got this nice mail from one friend and felt that it is worth sharing with you all. Enjoy!!!!!
1. Throw out non essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this In mind if you are one of those grouches;)
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and Lots of time with HIM/HER.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with you your entire life, is yourself. LIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares? LOL But do share it with someone. =o)
Thursday, August 9, 2007
15 Signs Of Falling In Love
15 Signs Of Falling In Love
FIFTEEN:
U LOOK AT THEIR PROFILE/PICTURE CONSTANTLY
FOURTEEN:
WHEN U R ON THE PHNE WITH THEM LATE AT NIGHT AND THEY HANG UP, U
STIL MISS THEM EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST 2 MINs AGO.
THIRTEEN:
U READ THEIR TXTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
ELEVEN:
U WALK REALLY SLOW WHEN U R WITH THEM
TEN:
U FEEL SHY WHENEVER U R /THEY R AROUND.
NINE:
WHEN U THINK ABOUT THEM,
SAME TIME
EIGHT:
U SMILE WHEN U HEAR THEIR VOICE.
SEVEN:
U START LISTENING TO SLOW SONGS, WHILE THINKING OF THEM
SIX:
THEY R ALL U THINK ABOUT.
FIVE:
U REALlIZE THAT U R AlWAYS SMILING TO URSELF WHEN U THINK
ABOUT THEM.
FOUR:
U WOULD DO ANYTHING 4 THEM, OR ANYTHING TO C THEM.
THREE:
WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE PERSON ON
TWO:
U WERE SO BUSY THINKING ABOUT THAT PERSON, YOU DIDN'T NOTICE NUM.
TWELVE.
ONE:
U JUST SCROLLED UP TO CHECK & ARE NOW SILENTLY LAUGHING AT YOURSELF
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Concept of Arrays
How the concept of Arrays did come up.........?????
We all know that the Lord Rama has been addressed by different names like Janakirama, Kalyanarama, Anantharama etc.
Likewise,
One day, our Ancestors were thinking how to refer to all those names in an easy way.
You all know that our ancestors are pioneers in mathematics. With their mathematical knowledge, they found a concept called ARRAY.
They decided to put all names of Rama in an array called RAMA… and all names of Krishna in an array called
From then on they start referring them as "ARRAY RAMA ARRAY KRISHNA"
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
What is Politics (Funny..)
Son: " Daddy, I have to write a special report on politics for school, but I don't know what Politics is ."
Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."
That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong.
Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid.
The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.
The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."
Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words ?"
Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of $hit."
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
Wonderful definitions of designations at office
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
And lastly...... ......... ...
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby
who said what...:-)
It was the first day of school in US. and a new student named
Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some
American history.
Who said 'Give me
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for
Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up "Patrick Henry,
1775." He said, "Very good!"
Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for
the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"
Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar.
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863." said Chandrashekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should
be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country,
knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Chandrashekhar put his hand up. "General Custer,
1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna
puke."
The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said
that?"
Again, Chandrashekhar says, "George Bush to the
Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Kiss
this!"
Chandrashekhari jumps out of his chair waving his hand
and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica
Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You
little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his
voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the
floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're f**ked!" and
Chandrashekhar said quietly, "George Bush,
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
STROKE - Remember 1st 3 letters to save some lives!
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm, Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.
It only takes a minute to read this...
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK .. to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE
(Coherently) (i.e. . . It is sunny out today)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
{NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue... if the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke}
If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call for assistance immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
A cardiologist says if everyone with humanity reading this and sends it to someone, you can bet that at least one life will be saved somewhere.
An Untold Love story..A lesson to b learnt 4 everyone...
My Best Friend's Wedding
It was his wedding day. As I finished giving touches to my mild makeup, my thoughts flew back to my school days. The first time I met him, he was just another face in the crowd. We met occasionally through common friends. We became good friends, always had fun at the other¹s expense. He never spared a chance to irritate me, which was not very difficult. We always ended up fighting and patching up the next day only to fight again. 2 years flew by but nothing changed. Our friends knew we were very close and teased us incessantly. We would blush but still continue fighting. Everyday I would wait impatiently for him to come. If I didn¹t see him for even a day my heart would not be in whatever I do. I would roam around listlessly. I attributed it to the fact that I did not have my daily quota of fights and patch up. We grew up together, but as we grew up we became more aware of our friends making fun of us and the usual teenage gossip. We slowly reduced our fights and spent less and less time together. One day he came and told me that he was leaving to another city. I had always taken it for granted that I could see him whenever I wanted to. For the first time I realized how much he meant to me. All our friends were there to say goodbye. I wanted to say so much, but I didn¹t know how to convey my feelings. As the car pulled out, I realized at that moment that he meant more to me than anything else. He was my best friend but I also realized, I had unknowingly, unconsciously fallen in love with him. I wished he was there, in front of me so that I could tell him how I felt. But he was gone. There was not a day, not an hour when I didn¹t think of him. My friends realized something was amiss as they had never seen me so silent and so lost in thoughts. When they found out the reason, they felt it was just a crush and that it would go away. Some suggested finding out his whereabouts, but I didn¹t want them to. I was happy to be in love. I didn¹t want to think that there were two possibilities. He might love me, but he might not. I was happy that I was in love, it was beautiful. There were times when I would miss the sharing, the companionship, the sweet nothings that people in love felt and enjoyed. My love was one sided but it was love nevertheless. He was always there in my thoughts and what better companionship can I ask for? Time flew. I went to college and then to work. Through the years I heard bits and pieces of news about him. I heard he was abroad, studying. And then I heard he was in love.
My heart broke. The rational side of me knew that since I had never told him how I felt, I should accept what happened. But my heart cried. As much as I tried I couldn¹t stop thinking about it. I would spend the whole day putting up a smiling face for the people around me and fall into my bed tears streaming down my face. I realized I had to face the truth. He was my first love and would always be, but I realized life has much more to offer. I wanted to move on, be happy and maybe meet someone whom I would love and who would love me. Surprisingly fate decided to help me in its own way. I met his mom by chance and she promptly invited me for his wedding. I realized the only way to come to terms would be to actually go for wedding. I knew, once I see him happily married, I could and would get over it. I came back to the present with a start, as my mobile rang. It was my friend asking me out for a movie. I told her I was going to a marriage to meet a long lost friend and hung up. I was ready, to face reality.
------------------------------ - - - ------------------------ - - - ---------------------------------
MY BEST FRIEND IN MY WEDDING
I just came out of the shower. The new suit was lying on the bed. It was a memorable day for me, my wedding day. I was getting ready when my mother entered the room and told me that my friends have come and they are waiting to see me in the hall. I just glanced through the window n I could see all my friends chatting n laughing, people who have been with me through my thick n thin. And then I saw her, an angel, my best friend. She looked really beautiful, had put on some weight, n carried the cute little smile that I always admired. I slowly started traversing back, memories started pouring in, and it has been a long eight years since I last saw her.
I first met her in school when we were taking part in a debate competition. She was cute, shy and a bit funny too. We occasionally met through some of our common friends. Slowly, she became a part of my life.
We used to have lunch together, gossip around, and make fun of the teachers and those were moments when we felt that nothing existed beyond us in the entire universe. She used to wait for me when I had special classes and pretend that she had missed the school bus. Life was so much of fun. No day ended without fighting and patching up. At times, there was nothing to talk, but still I craved to talk. That¹s when I used this weapon of fighting. She was quite adamant, never gave up so quickly, n I enjoyed every moment of those precious times when we fought and argued and then patched up. There were times when our friends teased us of a growing affinity, something beyond friendship. I pondered about it at times, but she was very quick to dismiss it every time. I slowly started realizing that we were made for each other.
But, fate had other ideas. My father got a transfer and we had to move to another city in short notice. The day finally arrived, I expected her to say a lot, I was looking into her eyes, trying to read what¹s going on in her mind, realized at that moment, Einstein¹s equations were much easier to understand than what¹s going on in a girl¹s mind. She never uttered a single word, just said good bye. Tears were flowing down my cheek, I thought she would understand at least at that moment, but rain poured in washing away my tears and with it my chance of being with my angel for life. She never contacted me after that. I joined college and went abroad for my further studies. I always made sure that she knows what I am doing and where I am through our common friends, hoping against hope that someday she will realize the love for me hidden in the deep cavities of her heart, and she would say those words which I longed to hear for years. But it never happened. She finished her education and later she joined a reputed software company. I slowly started accepting the fact that I was not the kind of guy she would like to spend her life with. In the mean while, I met a girl who fell in love with me. Knowing the pain of an unfulfilled love, I accepted her proposal, and our marriage got fixed. But, I wanted to see my angel at least once in my life. I asked my mother to pass on the invitation to her; somehow I strongly felt that she would surely turn up for my wedding.
There was a thud sound and I came back to reality. She was still sitting there and laughing, maybe to one of the jokes cracked by my friends. I knew at that moment, mine was not a lost love; it will always be there in my heart. If it was there for eight years, it will last forever, till I reach my grave. Just that we had to move ahead in life, in different directions. I got ready and started walking towards my friends. I was ready, to face reality.
Height of Confidence
What is Confidence?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A hypothetical situation where 20 CEO's board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilot less technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft.
Each one of the CEO's is then told, privately, that their company's software is Aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEO's promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed, asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."
This is Confidence!!!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
WOMEN :: Need not imagine, just read on!!!!!!!!!!!
| WOMEN'S REVENGE |
