Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Ultimate Quotes : Very Funny

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
    Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

 

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
    expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

 

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
    but what we are inside. So, try going out without clothes
tomorrow and see the admiration!

 

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,
    walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
    That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

 

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
    and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

 

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair.
    When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
    They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

 

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
    He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

 

8. So many options for suicide:
    Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
    jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!

 

9. Only 20 percent girls have brains, rest have boyfriends!

 

10. All desirable things in life are either
     illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

 

11. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
     We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
     Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di???

 

12. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,
      When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…
      Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…


13. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
     Which makes it a logical statement that
     90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
     Piyo Sar Utha Ke!

 

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Internet FAQ from 2085

What was the internet?

The internet and the world web was a computing system to transfer human information. Scientists have based its beginning to the years 1920 to 1940.

What was electromail?

Electromail was another transport protocol to transfer human information, but it was quickly discontinued as it caused misunderstandings due to lack of correctly representing emotions.

What were world web sites?

A so-called world web site consisted of an address of its owner to locate their physical business location, as well as other miscellaneous transmitting of human information that was considered important at the time. The protocol used to decode the information was called hypertext, and as its standards changed quickly over the years, it is impossible to decode most of the information contained within.

I noticed the word "NSFW" in a world web sites museum displaying hypertext reproductions. What does it mean?

Scientific research at the late Mars Research Laboratory came to the conclusion that NSFW announced the display of a widely popular human called Britneyspears in the 1970s. Why warnings were issued before the viewing of this human is unclear.

Did the world web have version numbers?

Yes. In the beginning, the world web was numbered from 1 to 10, with most people considering world web 8 to be the first stable release. Afterwards, the world web received code names for each new version, like "Omega Sun" or the popular "Happy Happy Rabbit" release.


A picture showing the internet. It is unclear what it depicts.

Who controlled the internet?

The internet was controlled by the governments, then for a brief period by personal humans all over the world, and then again by the governments. The intermittent period of personal human control was subsequently named the internet dark age as it incited to unlawful behavior.

What alternative information transfer technologies accompanied the internet?

The internet was only one of many transfer technologies. Equally popular at the time were the Ipod, also called Phone, a device to record and emit copies of the human voice, as well as the so-called Pongmachine which showed an animated bright shape on a dark background.

What was the Googlecom?

The Googlecom was a government-supervised computerized mechanism for human information storage and retrieval. It subsequently became integrated into the Universal Intelligence in around 2035.

Did the internet help the birth of the Universal Intelligence?

It is believed that the internet was an important mechanism to copy, spread and advance the ancestor of the Universal Intelligence. While the human civilization host system was unstable, progress was quickly reached after the invention of self-developing computerized intelligence machinery.

What was the Worldthought, the Netlink, and the Civilitron?

This FAQ only deals with planet number 5010; for the early computing systems of other planets, please refer to FAQs number 1 - 10000.

How long did humans take to invent the internet?

Scientific research believes that humans took around 150,000 years to build the internet and the world web as well as electromail. To explain the delay, it is believed that a human brain needed around 20 seconds to calculate an expression like 12 * 390, whereas it was incapable of calculating expressions like 12 * 3903829. Other inhabitants of the planet such as Bonobo Apes or the Arrowtooth Eel are believed to have had higher brain capacities, but no intent to build the internet.

Which entities were most popular on the internet?

While early hypertext storage can only be vaguely decoded, scientific research believes that from 1970 to 1999, the most popular entity on the internet was Britneyspears; from 2000 to 2020, it was Pleaseclickhere; from 2021 to 2030, it was the Mechabot100 release.

When did the internet end?

The internet ended with the end of planet number 5010, which is widely attributed to the fact that humans were using transportation facilities called autocars which only used around 1/5th of their transportation storage capacity, causing the planet to overheat. Copies of the internet are available in other systems though so you can read the archive at anytime.

I am interested to find out more about humans, where can I see them?

You can find representative entities of the human species in most local zoos. Visitors of model version 4.55 and lower receive special discounts; while the brain of humans is likely incapable of experiencing pain, please do not feed or break them.

 

source: http://blogoscoped.com/archive/2008-05-20-n15.html

Monkey In The Plane

 

 

Monkey In The Plane

 

 

Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was  traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent  enough to understand our language and reply in actions.
The officials went to  see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the  monkey.

Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers  doing?"
Monkey: "Tying their belts"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses  doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"
Officer: "What were the  pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the system"
Officer: "What were you  doing?"
Monkey: "Looking for my people"

Officer: "After 10' minutes  what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Having beverages and  snacks"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the  travelers"
Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the  steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating &  throwing"

Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"
Officer: "What were  the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"
Officer: "What were the pilots  doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you  doing?"
Monkey: "Nothing"

Officer: "Just before plane crash what were  the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"
Officer: "What were the  pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the air hostess"
Officer: What were you  doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!

No  more
Questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!